Thursday, 4 April 2019

INSTALMENT THREE…[Very Briefly] - DON'T FUMBLE THE SWIPE



[Continued from Instalment Two – link HERE]

When I've viewed a Fumbler's profile I have to swipe right to express interest or swipe left if I have none.  

If I confuse the direction of the swipe and thus get it wrong, I’m going to be ditching the ones I like the look of, and worst case scenario my potential ‘one and only’. And in favour of some wrong 'un.  

There’s no margin for error here…so this is going to go well isn’t it?…oh, unless you decline somebody you might like and realise this IMMEDIATELY…then you can shake your phone about to undo the damage, like giving your head an 'engage the brain' shake and Fumble will give you another chance to get yourself together and swipe correctly please this time, in the correct direction of 'right' for ‘yes I like’. 

I’m more concerned about swiping ‘yes’ when I mean ‘never’ – shaking the phone won’t correct that…I just have to ignore them for 24 hours if they’ve already swiped right for me…and if they haven’t…yet…hope they don’t.  And if they do swipe...after 24 long hours they will know that I’m not interested because they won’t have received a message from me – DAMN RIGHT THEY WON’T.  But that makes me feel guilty...cause I don't want to be mean to anyone...unless they are entitled...AND THEN I WANT TO BE THE MEANEST VERSION OF MEAN I CAN POSSIBLY BE.

They’ll be there hanging for 24 hours before they find out I’m not interested in them the hard way…or I could message them to tell them I swiped the wrong way and made a mistake…I don’t know what’s the kinder thing to do in this situation…ignore them or be up front by messaging them something like 'Hey there mate...sorry to message you...I just wanted to quickly let you know that your profile sucks...and we're definitely not a match...but I'm new to this and I swiped the wrong way; silly me.  So yeah, I'm trying to do the decent thing here...I just didn't want you to be waiting around for the next 24 hours pinning all your hopes on a message from MEEEEE...so, as much as you aren't my cup of tea, I hope you find somebody who is...Bye then....oh, and if I come across you again and swipe right AGAIN...just ignore me because it will have been in error...oh, and, please don't reply to this message, this is not me playing hard to get, this is me being REALLY NOT interested...but kind...'

Don't worry, I'm under no illusion here really...I know, I know...I'm not going to be the only girlie out there they've swiped right for in the last ten seconds... 

And now Fumble wants me to the rate the app…ALREADY?…I feel really pressured now.  I’ve got to ‘chase’ my future husband into a ‘relationship’ and make snap decisions when I think I may or may not have seen him.  I’ve got to learn not to swipe right when I mean left and vice versa.  You have to bear in mind too that I am the person whose driving instructor made me write an ‘L’ on my left hand and ‘R’ on my right to get me through my driving test…and on top of this I’m being asked to give a rating.

OK, priorities…fuck the rating, let’s practice the swiping and then Fumble might just let me loose with their crème de la crème Fumblers.  So I come out the app and practice the old swipe – left to right, right to left…I get a good firm, accurate swipe action going for a good half an hour so that I can do left or right swipes like a natural, but I’m still clueless about what swipe right for ‘yes’ is and what swipe for ‘no’ is, cause it could be interpreted either way. 

Let me explain what I don’t understand…I don’t understand whether swiping to the right means I start from the right and then swipe or whether I start from the left and swipe to the right and vice versa.  It’s going to be trial and error to start off with, urgh…

…back on the app …Fumble is ‘happy’ that I am now obviously ‘happy’ and thinks I am ready to start…and the first lot of men are up…and Oh Christ…

…I’m not ready for this after all…

***Next instalment of ‘Fumble My Dating Experience…First Impression of the Fumbling Men' coming just as soon as I can formulate a suitably worded post on this little experiment-experience, because honestly…I don’t know where to start…and I also don’t want to upset anyone, which I actually don’t think is going to be achievable...but I'll be giving it my best shot...I think***.


TOUGH LOVE EVERY.STEP.OF.THE.WAY 





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