The other day was a tough old post-breakup day for me…I got triggered…I know what the trigger was and I knew it was going to fire a bullet straight through the part of my heart that had managed to survive the knife ‘He’, The latest Ex, put through it only six weeks earlier.
I was ready for the trigger, anticipated it and was prepared for the PAIN.
Two days before the latest ex dumped me, when a dumping was an unanticipated concern, he was under significant pressure at work and this pressure, he assured me, would be reduced to 'normal' six weeks’ from then, after he’d met a whole heap of deadlines. So, since ‘pressure of his work’ appeared to be the only problem in this shiny new relationship, a fair old proportion of me, post-breakup, was on a bit of a ‘42 day countdown’, because I thought that if he was going to reach out, it would be 6 weeks from the breakup. 42 days (that’s 60,480 minutes and 3,628,800 seconds – I researched it)…I know…not in the least bit rational; rational is overrated anyway....well,actually it's NOT is it?!
So from Day 38-ish onward I could feel my anxiety and emotions stirring. And so I knew in advance that come ’Day 42’ my emotions were going to be through the roof….and they were; but at least I was prepared. I woke up feeling impatient, irritated, angsty and anxious. I was in such a bad mood and I couldn’t shake it off. It was just ridiculous of me to put so much pressure on him and this 'Day 42 thing' he knew nothing about!…so I gave my phone to a responsible adult and wrote a post ‘When You Are Having A Tough Day’.
So I’m going to link it below and I’ve renamed it ‘When You Are Having A Tough Day – The Sympathy Post’; but it’s not how I normally would write about breakups and if I was going through a tough day it’s not really what I would want to read…don’t let that put you off reading it necessarily though because everybody is different. Everybody has different ways of dealing with relationship breakdowns and what assists them in dealing with such crappy times. It’s a softer approach than I usually take, so if you need more of a ‘shoulder to cry on’ to get you on through a Tough Day the link is HERE and it is heartfelt and I do mean every word.
So after I had got through Day 42, when the clock struck midnight and Day 43 finally came but I’d still heard nothing, I had a bit of an epiphany. I was through the roughest part now, because that last little tiny bit of ‘irrational expectation’ and ‘anxiety riddled hope’ was gone. He might come back, he might not come back, but all of the ‘Days’ that I thought he would mostly reach out on had now passed. So I was no longer consciously or subconsciously (I hope) bogged down with him coming back and that’s great because it is also not in my control. I made it through with dignity and now I’m 8 weeks into healing as well…and really, it’s a good job he didn’t initiate contact with me on that crappy day whilst I wasn’t myself because, to be honest, I was in such a weird mood that I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be dealing with ‘Come Back Kid’ or any type of shenanigans.
If he’d have contacted me on ‘Day 42’ I fear that he wouldn’t have known what had hit him – he would have thought I’d turned into a monster! Tough post-relationship days are not the days you should be hoping your ex reaches out to you on…cause who knows what you’re going to do, say or type…and if you do want an ex back you’re probably going to fuck it up!
And in the days that followed Day 42, when I looked back over what I had written in ‘When You Are Having A Tough Day’, it just didn’t reflect the style of my blog. It’s ok for me to blog this way occasionally, but not all the time and/or unless you guys have a specific request…
…So, I started the whole post again and wrote the KICKKKKKK ASSSSSS VERSION – I named it ‘When You Are Having A Tough Day – The Kick Ass Version’. So for those of you who prefer a kick-up-the-arse on a bad day rather than a shoulder to cry on…THIS is the link is for you.
Whichever helps YOU – Whatever gets YOU through. Let me know which version helped YOU in the comments below, if you like...
TOUGH LOVE ALL.THE.WAY (....or for the sake of today, for part.of.the.way)