…they make me ever.sooo.angry! I’m angry just thinking about this subject; I can feel my blood boiling O…VERRR.
Entitled behaviour within a relationship slips in like a motherfucker; ‘very quickly’, and for 'you' on the receiving end who is not ‘entitled’ (which you won’t be, because entitled people can sniff each other out and won’t go there, because it’s pointless; it’s a ‘taker’/’taker’ chess-mate dynamic) often do not see the shit show coming and greet the initial display of ‘entitlement’ with ‘ahhhh, they must really be in trouble or really desperate to have to ask me for that or to do that, because that’s a bit embarrassing; I’d be too embarrassed to make that request of them, actually it’s a bit unfair of them really – it’s got to be a one off – ohhhh, I’m so flattered that they’ve turned to me for help…of course I’ll help’ and that’s because you (the not entitled person) is pre-supposing that he (the entitled person) holds the same values as you when he flippin’ well don’t.
…Quick as THAT you’re going to regret not seeing their ‘lame request’ for what it is which is ‘the-cheeky-little-what-can-I-squeeze-out-of-you-at-this-early-stage’ test – it’s probably only a small thing to start with – they start small and it escalates; FAST. You’ve given in, you duh the victim now, willingly and without a fuss at that – you’ve paid for that football ticket, you’ve bought them that crate of beer, you’ve given their mates a lift home, he’s called you a selfish bitch if you put up a bit of resistance whatever, YOU MIGHT AS WELL GIVE HIM YOUR DEBIT CARD AND PIN NUMBER – just give it him now it’s better than hearing his whiney little mouse-voice or grovelling text messages asking for money or favours again EVERY HOUR OF THE DAY. YOU are DOOOOOOMED. YOU’RE TOAST.
You’d better have a plentiful supply of energy because that belongs to him now – he’s going to drain that out of you; and a good credit history too because you’re going to need to get your hands on a shedload of cash to keep him around; and a tolerance for abuse because the name calling is just for starters if ever you try to say no to him. Experian is free, check it and revel in it; because your credit score is never going to look so healthy. And when he’s taken all your energy and/or all of your cash, and he’s degraded you with nasty put downs you are disposable
...(because you gave him EVERYTHING and he’s dumping you) and the horror of.…
…’The Post-Breakup Aftermath’. OH! MY! GOD! Here it comes. Soon this entitled chunk of lard is going to reach out to you – give it a few weeks. Sure as day follows night. And unless you pull your big girl pants up, he is going to carry on ‘TAKING’ without a care in the world because y’know, you still OWE him because you had sex with him and for some reason, from that moment forth actually, entitled men think you are bound to them (cause, you know, they’re just such a catch) and can carry on expecting that you will meet their ‘need of the moment’, whatever that should be. That entitled-ness switch is flicked on straight after the first time you’ve seen the back of his bare arse disappearing from the bedroom – there must be some kind of psychological-trigger explanation for that – I’ll look into it; why is sex the trigger for entitled behaviour to begin…?
In a relationship I never (at least I hope this to be true) act entitled. I just couldn’t do it and retain a clear conscience and self-respect. I can’t relate to having a good feeling from acting entitled. Entitled behaviour is initially cheeky-take-the-piss-type stuff and it ratchets up. I don’t understand what makes people that way inclined: entitled to take, take, take and expect, expect, expect WHEN THEY ARE GIVING not-a-fuck.
In a relationship what I believe I am entitled to is what every decent person should expect for it to have a chance of being a healthy one; which are the basics, the foundations, ‘trust’, ‘honesty’ and all that shebang.
WHAT I DON’T DO IS THIS:
I do not EXPECT my partner to give me money/lend me money [for more than a few hours], buy me holidays and/or expensive gifts.
I do not EXPECT my partner to pay for my clothes, jewelry, makeup and luxury items.
I do not EXPECT him to pay my bills, credit cards or travel related expenses.
I do not EXPECT to borrow his car because I don’t want to pay for my own petrol.
I do not EXPECT him to fund my nights out with the gals.
I do not EXPECT him to put up with financial and/or emotional abuse from me including put downs and/or name calling.
I do not EXPECT him NOT to spend time with his child(ren) from a previous relationship.
If he does treat me to a gift, a holiday etc, then great – what a gesture, that’s really kind of him; I must be a great girlfriend, giving my best, generally putting in my 100% to his 100% - but I do not EXPECT any of these things as a matter of course because I am not an entitled person. And if I wasn’t very arsed about him and he was compensating by showering me with money, holidays, favours, I’d wonder what was wrong with him and his self-esteem. And I’d dump him because the alternative would be that I am using him for my gain and I’m participating in his destruction.
YET, despite this, I seem to have attracted some very entitled men with some very entitled behaviour in the past and this very unattractive behaviour seems to continue after the breakup has happened – in fact it often ramps up! These men do not get the time of day with me now, but they still try it; and it’s quite shocking because you would think that at some point their pride would kick in…but, nope, it doesn’t, they don’t have any – they are ‘Pride Less’; without pride…and it’s mindboggling!
These entitled men will suck you dry in the relationship and every time you entertain them thereafter: money, favours, lifts, beer money, piss taking behaviour. And when the relationship ends, which invariably it will because you’ll never be able to afford them and you aren’t ‘giving enough’ or because you realise how unattractive they are – YOU WILL BE EXHAUSTED. Whilst they are waiting for the next victim willing to bankroll them to come along, they will seek YOU out for some kind of ‘friendship’ or ‘favour’ or ‘fuck buddy’ arrangement because their sense of entitlement will extend to still being entitled and/or having their sexual needs fulfilled by you without having to commit to the hard part…the ‘relationship’ part - the ‘being present’ part – the ‘selflessness’ part - the ‘commitment’ part, the ‘contributing’ part and the ‘having one sexual partner’ part. So they’ll still be expecting you to engage with their cringe-worthy dirty text messages which you only just tolerated during the relationship, the dick/tit pic-exchange requests that do nothing for you, late night texts telling you to get your sexy ass over to their place in your best underwear RIGHT NOW [and pick a pizza up on the way over and some cans]! because they can’t find a Tinder date stupid enough to give them the time of day and they are too ENTITLED to want to pay for any related a’hem ‘service’….and why should they….they’re entitled to it for free, from YOU; YOU’RE their ex don’t you know – it is still your job to give them whatever they want! What about your needs you ask? Fuck those – why are you bringing up irrelevant shit? Have you got your car keys…then get driving over he’s told you what he needs; recap, he needs pizza, cans and your body for a bit. NOW....
I just find it really strange that people think that it is ok behaviour. To dump or be dumped and then still feel entitled to get the rewards that not even a ‘RELATIONSHIP’ much less a ‘DUMPING’ deserves. The sex, the money, the favours, the lifts, the entertainment, YOUR ACTUAL PRECIOUS TIME. If I dump somebody I do not expect him to come round for a kissing-cuddling session when I click my fingers because it’s ‘that time of the month’. Or snuggle up on the sofa with me cause I’m feeling needy and I want somebody to sing along to Mama Mia with; or expect him to cancel his football training so that he can take me to my niece’s Christening. So why do some men think it is ok to pester for sex (translates: become a sex pest), try to engage you in phone/text sex and spend your money and act up? Because they are spoilt, manipulative, entitled bully-brats WHO WILL NEVER EVER CHANGE. NEVER; because the next person will let them get away with it until they don’t or they can’t and then the entitled will move on to the next and the next and the next and so on and so forth and in between, they will return to any old ex stupid enough not to have learnt their lesson….They don’t want YOU, they want what they can GET OUT OF YOU. There’s a massive difference.
I really, reaLLY HATE ENTITLED MEN ….
….WITH A VENGENCE!
I’m raging just writing this; typing like a mad woman on speed – I’m all red in the face my heart is racing and a rash has appeared on my chest and is creeping up my neck…I’ll be back in a minute, I just need to google-search ‘am I having a heart attack?’….
.…Ok, so it’s not a heart attack. I’ve got ‘Entitled Man Withdrawal Symptoms’ – it’s a thing! And a side effect is ‘displays of anger’ that come on ‘quickly’ when thinking about or otherwise dealing with the bastards. I might need psychological intervention after writing this, so I’ll quickly try and finish before ‘the ones in the white coats’ come to ‘take me away’.
These types of men have no place in my life anymore – one sniff of entitled behaviour and I’m out – ladies and gents, you should make the same decision where your entitled current relationship or exes are concerned. They are going to outsmart you and get what they want because they are brilliant manipulators and they REALLY want that beer they can’t afford – but you can afford it and you’re – YES YOU ARE – buying it. Don’t entertain them, cause they are bringing absolutely nothing to the party.
Look at them there all entitled - are you attracted to THIS shit-show. All….Can I have….? Can I borrow….? Will you give me….? Will you take me…? But I’ll pay you back….? You know I wouldn’t ask otherwise….? You said you loved me…? But I’m feeling horny….? But haven’t you just been paid…? Listen to their pathetic whiney-toddler-tone as they pine on all entitled wearing you down into meeting their needs, for that tenner, that hook up, that pint. ‘PLLLLEEEEEAAAAAASSSSSE help me out, I’m desperate – help me out you selfish bitch, can’t you see I’m skint’! URGH! See them for what they are which is …an embarrassing mess of LAZZZZY-ASS-ENTITLED-HORSE-SHIT – your Bestie can see it. LISTEN TO YOUR BESTIE. Your Bestie wants the best for you and knows what you are worth even if you can’t see it for yourself whilst you are under their manipulative spell.
DO NOT EVER GIVE AN EMOTION OR A PENNY OR AN ANYTHING ELSE TO ANYBODY WHO HAS NOT GOT GOOD INTENTION TOWARDS YOU. WHEN YOU ARE BOTH PUTTING THE WORK IN AND YOU BOTH SUPPORT EACH OTHER AND YOU BOTH BRING SOMETHING TO THE TABLE ONLY THEN CAN THEY HAVE THE PERKS; THE SEX, THE GIFTS, THE CUDDLES, THE SPACE, THE TRUST. THE HAND OUT WHEN IT IS A GENUINE NON-PISS-TAKE ONE-OFF. A relationship and even a friendship is supposed to be 50-50 – not 49–51 or worse.
If your current partner/ex ex can’t afford to buy their fags/booze/bets – oh dear, I hope they deal with ‘going cold turkey’ well – that’s going to be a withdrawal and a half – no pain, no gain.
If your ex can’t pay the bailiffs – oh shit, there goes his play station, ahhh and his laptop; don’t worry, he’s got time and inclination now to actually GO TO FUCKING WORK and pay for his own shit.
If your ex can’t afford to meet you at the pub and pay for his own drinkies (although I wouldn’t advise meeting up with an entitled man once you’ve prized the leach off you) – oh dear, he’ll just have to order tap water – that’s obligatory now isn’t it: free tap water on request? There you go he won’t dehydrate! A whole bottle of Prosecco to yourself is completely manageable, who wants to share Prosecco anyway?
Your ex is NOT YOUR PROBLEM. It is not your job to meet his sexual needs. Tell him to get on Pornhub or whichever is his preference, he can wank his way through singledom using his own hand until he finds his next unsuspecting victim.
Don’t give him the perks of a committed relationship AND MORE.
Unfortunately, it is reality that entitled exes will generally try to take advantage of you and if you think that giving in to them will get them back then you’re in a whole load of trouble. They are going to OWN you. The more you give, the more they will take and the more they will expect. And they are laughing at you and they are abusing you – THIS IS ABUSE. It is financial and emotional abuse. You have to be clear. Tell them you don’t want to be pestered. You aren’t a cash point, they can’t push your buttons to get money out of your orifices, you are not their chauffeur and you are not their, erm….bucket, if you know what I mean.
I’ve got an ex who is always trying to push his luck in some way. Every time he contacts me, as soon as his name pops up on my phone (well actually, his ‘name’ was re-programmed long ago and he’s listed under ‘Say NO!’ just in case I need a reminder), so when ‘Say NO!’ pops up on my phone I know that he’s going to ask me for something, be it money for fags, money for booze, sex, to meet at the pub because he wants my advice on his latest fucked up relationship/ex. I won’t entertain loaning him money, doing him favours I don’t care what ‘the emergency is’ (he’s very unlucky where emergencies are concerned, tends to have more than most) and I won’t entertain giving him sex – hell no. I will no longer even meet him for a catchup because he’s an emotional MESS over an ex who has OWNED their latest relationship breakup and he’s being a big sissy-car-crash about it.
I’m clear with him every time he asks for something (which is every time he makes contact) that he can FORGET any type of favour and that it’s IRRITATING when he asks. I have a standard copy-paste response to him saved in my phone to save time typing and re-typing it ‘Do not ask me for sex or fags or booze, it is embarrassing and the answer is ‘no’ and will always be ‘no’’. Clear. To the point. No margin within which he can ‘misunderstand’ and think the answer to his request for 'whatever' is going to be an ‘Oh, that emergency, poor you, yeah, go on then’.
Like, if I was him, I’d be embarrassed to expect me, the person he dumped, to give him a millionth of what he expects (demands). Whilst he’s pestering me for sex I have to take the opportunity to pester him back….for money that he still owes me from before we broke up, years ago and I have to take this opportunity, because when he knows he’s not going to get what he wants, he …laugh out loud to this; just LOL all over the floor…HE blocks ME and the only reason that I would ever initiate contact with him is to occasionally remind him not to forget to transfer the money he owes to me, because the last installment was three months ago!!! And AS SOON AS HE pays me back what he owes (and I mean EVERY PENNY of what he owes) any subsequent contact he makes will be ignored. He will never see or hear from me again, because he is a user and entitled men who are USERS need to be discarded as quickly as is possible.
When I’m no longer in a relationship with someone regardless of whether I am the dumper or the dumpee I don’t contact them asking for favours, I don’t expect them to be there for me, I don’t expect kisses or cuddles, I don’t expect a shoulder to cry on, I don’t expect sympathy or support. I don’t expect money, sex or cute-sie good morning/sweet dreams type messages….because that isn’t their roll anymore; we are no longer together. Decent people feel badly about taking anything from an ex. All I expect from my exes is that they respect my boundaries, which is not to harass or expect to ‘take’ from me.
A person who expects the nice part of relationship type behaviour from you but does not want the shitty part, the part when they have to cancel the football because you need them to take you to A and E on a Saturday afternoon because you’ve broken your big toe is a crappy person who is not worth your time. They have ZERO respect for you and ZERO respect for themselves – a grown ass man asking YOU for THEIR beer money cause their football team lost?????. If they don’t respect themselves, so be it, but you should be respecting yourself by putting them in their place by saying ‘NO’, ‘NEVER’, ‘NOT WITH ME AGAIN YOU AREN’T’ and ‘PAY FOR IT YOUR GODDAMN SELF’.
When your emotions have subsided following your breakup with an entitled ‘man’ and you look back at the relationship and the behaviour you put up with, it will leave you in shock and it bloody well should because WHAT WERE YOU DOING ALLOWING YOURSELF TO BE MANIPULATED AND USED LIKE THAT? BY.HIM? AN ENTITLED ONE, NOT EVEN A DECENT ONE! THAT MOMENT when you’re in a detached state and can see WHO HE IS and who everybody else could see HE IS all along; yet you couldn’t – but you damn well can now; and your Bestie was right about him from that very second you first finished having sex with him and he asked you for that innocuous yet embarrassing little ‘favour’ which you granted him oh so quickly. That moment is a bad one, because you feel like a div and that’s what you’ve been; but it’s a good moment too because YOU’VE REALISED that at some point, because the situation WILL arise of his making, that you’re going to get the opportunity to say to him NO! followed by NEVER! when he tries his luck again - which is oh so satisfying. Hopefully you’re not too energy zapped and you still have a roof over your head when this happens.
Question: Is blood pressure of 140 over 220 normal…? Let me know in the comments below if I should take myself to hospital; and any other thoughts/experiences you may have had with entitled partners and exes and how you deal with them or NOW INTEND TO DEAL WITH THEM…I’d love to know…!
TOUGH LOVE EVERY.STEP.OF.THE.WAY.